Old love, New love

"New Love"

I've been so torn up about how I feel about you. I guess I'm still not completely sure.. mostly because I don't want to be the vunerable one. I don't want to NOT have the ball in my court. I don't want to lose control. But as time goes on, I really can't deny it anymore. I still don't get butterflies when I see you, but I know in my heart that when you're near, I light up from the inside out.

Your coming over to talk, even about study-stuff, makes me that much happier in these times of intense stress. I wish we could sit together in silence while studying for the whole day - study is less painful, when you're next to me. Cos you make me laugh like no other, make me smile like no other. Even when I make sarcastic comments about how silly you are sometimes - I say it with the fondest feelings.

You've given me so much - a new perspective, a new will to change, a new life. How is it possible for me to admire you, be so indebted to you and feel soo..infatuated (?) with you?

I just don't want to be another girl waiting in line for your attention. I want you to see me, and choose me, and tell me that you feel the same lift in your spirits everytime you see me. So until then, I will never let myself completely succumb to my growing feelings, I will never be 'in too deep' - because I will never be so naive and so trusting with my heart ever again. I don't want to get hurt.

"Old Love"

I bumped into you today. And yes, my heart still skipped a beat. But mostly from the surprise of seeing you face to face again, after so many months. We exchanges a few polite pleasantries - then parted. I walked back to my seat with a smile on my face - not because I am still infatuated with you, but the exact opposite.

You no longer have any pull on me. I can look at you, I can still say "wow he's hot", but you have ZERO pull on me. I don't wish for you, I don't hope for you...even if you were less complicated. I feel released from you - once a trap I could never escape. I didn't know it but I did in fact fall for your badboy charm and mysteriousness.

I still regard you as a friend. But I am sooooo glad that I no longer pine for your attention.
Thank you for the lessons I learnt, but I'm so glad I've moved on - almost without a scar :)